musically.inclined-rocking this world

changing blogg

2006-05-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

kayys.. im feeling like changing blogg.. lemme see.. i'll tell u more on my tag board or sth..(:

what dear ms yeo said.

2006-05-18T08:01:00.000-07:00

oh yea. to add on to YOU#, my dearr maths teacher ms yeo said that:

IF YOU TRULY LOVE SOMEONE, LET HER GO

yes. that applies to you#.

so just get lost

go cheryn!

2006-05-18T07:56:00.000-07:00

hahas.. our napfa was today at 4pm so between 2.30-3.15, cheryn was like dancing so "sexily"!! hahas

go rynn. rawkk onn

oh my GAWWD

2006-05-18T07:52:00.000-07:00

omg.. i just realised... that wells.. yea.. some things are just so stupid and unexpected..

...

yea...

i never expected him to say all those crapps... yeah. if you are reading this now, let me tell you this-whatever you say is crap. you are crap. so just get a life and live it. dont come disrupt miine.

yupps. i've told my dear mortal lo yee in an uber long letter..

she's e only one i can trust now.

so just get lost. you know im talking about you.

chewing gum):

2006-05-16T19:21:00.000-07:00

heyyos! im supposed to be doing ipw but im sort of slacking.. hahahas... and anyways, heres the latest news in my life

I JUST SWALLOWED CHEWING GUM!!! ):):):):):):):):):

omg.. whats gonna happen to me?!?!? im like so freaking scared that you know.. it'll form hard lumps it my poor stomach and then, i'll have to go for an operation to dig it out.. im so scared... omg... i wanna like pass it out in my shet.. ahh.. i needa pass it out or i'll be doomed..

kayys.. whatever):

im depressed.. someone help me!

im BORED

2006-05-15T21:54:00.000-07:00

haish.. later still got some weirdo chinese file check.. darnit.. im in school now and the DARNED bell just rang.. ): sickening bell.. i gtg

PISSED

THE pics(: (that post was a DEFAULT):)

2006-05-15T01:22:00.000-07:00

THE pics(:

2006-05-15T01:21:00.000-07:00

post-birthday=)

2006-05-15T01:00:00.000-07:00

wells, today is like 1 day after my birthday.. when i just stepped into class, tiingyii came in to look for me(firstly to return me the midori days comic) and then, i was so touched when she handed me this cute marshmallow toy penguin(just like me-the giggling penguin!! hahas) and i was like aww thanks! she's so sweet! must get her something! her birthday also coming.. hahas.. thanks tiingyi! HEARTS you loadds although i dont think you know about my blogg but nevermind.. shall tell you about it next prac=) she's damn guzheng pro! dsa lah!

and then when i just came back from recess, i saw dearest leffie's bdae present! its so nice! so adorable... this is so darn sweet of her.. enough crapping-lets get on to what she gave me--she gave me a purple photo frame(so nice lahh!!!) and a cute dog hp keychain.. shall upload the pic on this dearr blogg(:

wells, i gtg.. my angels are gonna pass me my pressie tmr(as in lightstick*winkwink* and ziyan) as we didnt meet today(aww gees) and also, janabel sayys she will pass me my pressie some other time and ruimin.. hmm.. dint say anything.. but oh wells..):

byebye

myBIRTHDAY-imTHIRDDteen

2006-05-13T23:51:00.000-07:00

hi. yepp. today is my birthday. its on mother's day. give yourself a big tight slap if you dont even know. how can you call myself your friend! huh! huh! ought to be shot men...

kayys.. erm.. my dad didn't know what to get me so he just gave me $200.. wow.. thats a lot of money.. hahas.. yea... well as for my mum, she got me a myuk wallet(the one i blogged about last time), a myuk pencilcase(the sure whatever(: one) and a deuter bag! OMG! isnt that just the freaking coolest?!?! heh.. weird me.. im so HYPERed now.. hehhehhh...(:

wells, so far, i've received two presents from my friends. charr gave me this chao cool big box of tofees while kelly gave me this precious memories badge set! aww~~ arent they just so sweet..

kayys.. whatever. i know those people reading my posts think im so freaking fake.. whatever kayys. this is my life, my blog and whatsoever.

wells, here are what they sent to me.. please dont think this is some sort of an invasion of privacy or anything.. i just wanna let everyone know what great friends you are kayys(:

Mandy==Helo Chonggie! Ur bestie here 2 wish you happi 13 bday! ^^ hope u enjoy it to e fullest n ur wishes come true! <33~ Mandy
Zi Yan==Heyya! Happy birthday! Have a blessed and marvelous birthday:D <33s! Heh.
Kang Ting==Happy birthday. Still remember me? (me: of course i still remember you:D)
Charissa==Happy birthday chong! May all yr dreams cometrue and May GoD Bless You forever and ever!!:) Must tell me how you feel being a fresh teenager kies?? Hehe. ;)
Rania==Happy birthday!:) wish you good luck :) hey do ya still like stuff animals soft ones those kind ha ha. ..
Yew Yeong==Hey happy b'dae.. gt u a b'dae present. will pass it 2 u when i see u smetime. wad ya doin nw?celebratin?
Tansy==[Melody]Happy birthday chong!:) *wow emoticon*

yea.. all these nicenice people. altho.. i have yet to receive more(:

wells, i gtg and meet tansy downstairs(: byebye

ohh im touched

2006-05-13T06:17:00.000-07:00

heyyos! today, we went to plaza sing.. as in me kel and charr and well.. later fruk joined in..

yea.. firstly.. i wanted to throw a bdae party with niners and darlings but it failed.. failed so terribly.. that was such a heavy blow):): then later, i decided to change it to a 6darlings class gathering.. but again.. it faiiled.. that was an even greater blow but today, char and kel came with me to plaza siing and we took neos together and ate takopachii together!

it was indeed very fun(:

then, when we went to the arcade, fruk went to challenge some stranger to daytona and kel was like telling me"hey chong.. what if later gerald(aka fruk) win then those ppl bu4 shuang3(cos they are like.. many years older than him)" then later, fruk who was second overtook and flipped the first guy over.. and when he was about to reach the finishing line! so after the race, the guy(whose car got flipped) was like showing fruk this thumbs-up sign and fruk told us after we went out of the arcade that when the guy flashed the thumbs-up sign, he thought was going to get bashed up!! hahass.. that made me go laffy laff laff!! hahas..

wells.. today rocks! and yea.. charr got me this biig box of tofees(: while kel got me a badge set and fruk got me air.. which is free):

wells.. im chatting with yiing..(:

byebye~~

darn

2006-05-09T05:47:00.000-07:00

DARN! the post.. failed.. kayys.. sth cropped up with e skinn..

darn

ahh!! skiin problem!!

2006-05-09T05:46:00.000-07:00

the 50th post

2006-05-08T04:41:00.000-07:00

yeapp.. this is the 50th post im making.. yayye...

anywayys, i got 15/20 for my geog test, 74/100 for my average! pissed cos i only need one more-one more pathetic mark to get an A1 so now, i got an A2!! science also!! 74/100!! PISSED

*angstangst*

whatever

anywayys, erm.. i gotta go print out some notesy stuff

oh yea.. 6d is still quite united(: as in.. now today, we are conferencing at 9pm while i pack and organise my maths file(:

bye~

just letting it loose(:

2006-05-07T04:56:00.000-07:00

yooo~ yea.. guess there is more to life than i expected.. so yea.. today, i wanna tell those troubled people this word

SHAKA(kayys.. i donno how to spell but yea im TIKAAMING(: )

shaka is a hawaiian word for hanging it loose;keepin it cool

yeaa... so just relax-everything is predestined and what shall be shall be:) okayys.. i sound like some preacher thing.. OL... >///<;;

altho sometimes i don practice what i preach :p

whatever...

oh yea.. i gtg now and just to let loleepop know, yiing, leffie and i are FINE(: and everything will be fine for you and cass and blahdeeblahblah:)

and also, thanks to everyone's endless support, i have metamorphosized and broken awayy from the hollow shell that was within me:) YAYYENESS!

YAYYENESS lets take a minute to go crazy:)

BANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAIBANZAI BANZAI BANZAIBANZAI BANZAI..

ohwells.. i just lost my sanity...

whatever

strudel

2006-05-06T06:46:00.000-07:00

mm.. yummm im eating mango strudel now! yayyeness! without the mango.. cos i am too full and i like the skin a lot... hahas... well.. mabbe l8r if im in a better mood or something then i'll eat the mango...

ahh.. i've just found me a new HEART-strudel

hahas.. whatever

ah.... life is like a strudel... sweet and crispy on the outside..yummy on the inside... yea.. i've finally cheered up...

heyys... strudel-a simple word with a complex meaning... hahas.,..

well.. tell me what you ppl think of strudel when you read this post..(:

bye~

just as i had expected...

2006-05-05T22:21:00.000-07:00

yeah.. we did not conference.. yeah.. how ironic...

there i was hoping.. but at least i got to chat with eiffel on the phone for quite a while...

yeah.. that really cheered me up.. its like.. although we are far apart.. we are linked together in our hearts.. you know that kinda thing.. yea.. me eiffel and ying yu... linked together..

of course, me and charissa also have this special bond between us... just that.. yea.. she helped me out in my time of need and blah blah... so yea.. we are best friends...=)

me leffie and yiing... we are special... me and yiing.. we went through loadds together... really really alot to get that special friendship and bond back.. i tainted our friendship and it took a lot to get it back.. it took months and i am actually so grateful to God for giving me this second chance with yiing.. its like... nothing like *That* quarrel happened between us at all.. yea..
as for leffie and me... well.. i have to admit.. i was angry and sort of jealous at her for 'stealing' yiing away from me at first.. afterall, we had been friends since p4 until now.. so i couldn't understand why she would betray me... but after yiing left, the two of us got closer.. at first, i just wanted to get to see what the hell yiing saw in her.. but after that, i realised that things were not so simple anymore.. i saw eiffel in a whole new light.. she was like.. so nice... and she was yea.. so we also became best friends.. then now.. yea.. the 3 of us.. best friends forever...(:

yea... im so useless.. crying again.. you see.. alll this.. my past.. my beautiful past.. how i miss them and the fun moments we had.. wells. in june.. i am going to make the best use of the time together.. the time for the 3 of us.. yea..

oh my GAWD

2006-05-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

okayys.. look at those three words no. not i love you but OH MY GAWD.

why would i say that? ok.. maybe i say it like.. millions of times but this time theres another reason.

cos welll.... nyps 6d, as in those ppl whom we usually have conference with.. yeahh.. we're drifting apart... how is this possible? its like... we kept on postponing the conference till a couple of hours later and later, they called at different times and then they say wait till a few more mins then call but in the end, leffie was too tired to talk and wanted to sleep so we postponed it to tomorrow morning..

well.. hopefully it wont get postponed tomorrow... its a rare chance that i dont have piano and guzheng tmr(yayyeness!) so 6d! 要好好把握机会!! tomorrow we MUSTMUSTMUST conference okayys? dont let it go to waste..

you see.. every conference we make is like a bonding session.. im already drifting apart like 109 so please dont let my only hope shatter... its like.. 6d rawks lah! so.. yea.. we must conference.. its sorta important to me...X)

ok.. i sound so >like what they say< [[drama]]

whatever.

seems like my blogging pet peeve is whatever..

oh yea.. i gotta new chi han zi software.. yayyeness.. then i can type my chinese essay..

wells, i gtg sleep liaoz..

nites~ sleep tite!
-niners
-6d-arlings

ozone of depression

2006-05-04T07:05:00.000-07:00

okayys... firstly, today was my napfa 2.4km run... yeapp.. and i dint know about it till yesterday cos i got it confused with the 5 stations date.. yepp.. so it was like... erm.. lucky?

well.. i passed by a few seconds cos when they said 1min left!!! then i ran and i got through.. phew... well.. i think there were 4 people in our class who failed.. yea... so they gotta retake with lo in july.. since lo is in no fit condition to run...

well.. aint i lucky? God gave me a chance-he let me run and i passed... Im so happy today... well.. after the run, my legs were jelly and if i were to stand still, i'd lose my balance.. so it's either i walk or i sit... hahas...

im so weak..

well.. today, there was something big that happened in class.. I've no idea what its about but it concerns but its about lo... yea.. she's been hitting a rough patch.. so her depression is sorta affecting our mood too and yeahh. creating this ozone layer of depression...

yea.. so lo, please cheer up.. please..

well.. i gotta go.. do my SIA..

muggin mugg mugg mugg

being the dance rep

2006-05-02T19:53:00.000-07:00

yea.. dance rep-thats simple ol me but i am afraid it wont be like this anymore next year..

cos the person sitting next to me wants to vie with me for the post of dance rep.

yeah. she hates her cme rep post and since she's in chinese dance, she wants to be the dance rep next year.

when she told me this, her eyes were filled with sarcasm and it was so piercing. it pierced through my heart like this arrow.

lets talk about her character. hmm.. shes nice and helpful(well sometimes) although she can be selfish(sometimes) and well.. calculative and bossy... well.. nonetheless, i feel that she's a worthy friend and well.. probably my good friend i guess..

but now she wants to fight with me for the post of dance rep. please dont. dont claw on my heart anymore. it has just been mended and stitched.. it cant take that kind of pressure anymore... it is weak... and its like.. she was so firm.. i guess what i say cannot change her mind although i hope she will forget about it or something...

its like.. im so hurt.. dance is practically the only thing im good at(well besides music but im not exactly very exceptionally good at it...) yeah... so its like, being the dance rep.. really nice for me.. cos i wanna be part of the class commitee and this is probably the most suitable post for me..

hahas yea

ok so please. dont be the dance rep.

brokenn.hurrt.confusedd.lost.leave-me-alone. LEAVE ME ALONE

chatterism and more... fills me up and mends those broken parts in my heart

2006-05-02T06:49:00.000-07:00

ahh.. i feel so shiok.. know whys?? cos im chatting with my dearrest pallies in the whole wide world.. yiing and leffie...

well... yiing is like.. in china while im here.. so its reealy great an sorta a privilage to chat with her.. and i really erally reallarealeraleale reallreallreallreallllyreally miss her.. even my really-s are going weird.. ok nvm.. im weird.. WEIRD... im weird.. ok nevermind.. hypertension.. cos got sci test tmr and i haven study finish yet..

ok.. leffie.. well.. we are in different classes so we are sort of drifting apart but we are still as tight as gluue..! so its relieving...

sigh.. i really miss those two..

anyways, when yiing comes back in june, we shall go take loadsa neos together-just the 3 of us.. oh yea.. that reminds me- the 3 of us nvr took neo b4... thats saddening... but nevermind. we 3 are so tight, no one can separate us.. so we shall go have fun in june!

wahahaha!

sigh.. ok.. i really miss them.. gosh.. i wanna cry.. but i shant cos i cant make them worry about me.. and when i was talking to them, all my troubles faded away and the holes in my heart were mended..

ok. i gtg study.. bye

Popiah!!

2006-05-02T04:51:00.000-07:00

yo! im eating dinner so gotta make this short. im eating POPIAH.. umm.. homemade ones i mean.. yummm

kk. byebye

Chems SIA

2006-04-30T22:17:00.000-07:00

wahahaa.a.. we're doing our chems sia at marie's house now.. we r thinking of wat to do with the beeg styrofoam board... hmm..

anyway, im slacking and blogging now! so evil evil evil..

amy is stuck at e interchange and marie's nice nice mother has gone to pick her up..

we are working on Gr7-the halides/halogens!

wahaha

....kayys.. whatever

so fun.. and we are losing control.. like saying that PEISHAN'S FART CAUSED E TSUNAMI!!!

ok.. mabbe i should go help out.. heh...

kayys.. byebye..

oh yeah.. i've got this myuk pencilcase that i wanted; the black $8.90 one that says 'sure, wadevr :)'

YES!

dance music

2006-04-30T08:11:00.000-07:00

heyyah! k now im like.. searching for dance music...

thanks loadds and loadds to yangxi for giving me this music.. this liangzhu one... but i needa trouble her again to send me more by attaching... heh.. sorry
i seem to always trouble ppl.. k, im such a troublemaker.. nvm...

whatever.

hm... at first i thought this would be boring but hey-its not.. waha.. but i don like to do this kinda stuff.. and whose fault is it?
DONALD DUCK

kayys. whatever. im like.. gonna dao her... like last fri-she ask me help her hand up her sci wksht to cass since i was going but i gave her this chao straightforward ans-no!

goodness.. was i very mean... i dont think so...

kayys.. whatever.

hmm... so far im failing.. but its ok.. at most i go ask chen lao shi for an extention.. heh.. she'll understand-shes nice!

unlike the person who had to open heer big trap to get me into this mess

ok.. nvm.. whats done cant be undone and since i have to do it, why not do it with a smile? i{heart}music&dance wadd.. heh..

ok. i found this neuu skin..

bye~

mixed feelings within me.. im withering can you not see??

2006-04-29T06:13:00.000-07:00

im such a failure..
i cant even control those mixed feelings within me... can anyone see that im like this withering jasmine flower?? i am so confused.. im so torn....

theres this girl within me-she tells me to live strong and face everyday with this smile
i am trying so hard to do what she tells me... but im failing.. failing ever so terribly...

then, theres this girl within me-she tells me to just give it all up on 109
but i cant... cos theres this girl within me who gives me guilt. im a part of 109; i cant just leave it be... no i cant... im not heartless. so may this girl disappear from my life forever

then theres this girl-she tells me to go for it and help everyone.
yes.. im listening to her.. and im probably doing a pretty good job at it bah...

theres so many many more...

...

i dont know anymore.. im totally lost.. im so happy lo yee is fine.. shes fine everyone is fine..
everyone except me

im so darn lost... i dont know who i can tell my troubles to..
yiing-well shes in china... and we dont c each other often and i dont wanna dampen her moods too.. she's happy... and i dont want her to worry abt me..
charr-wel.. shes in nhhs.. and i cant cause her to worry either.. and i cant tell her my problems cos shes like there while im here...
eiffel-well.. we are sort of drifting apart.. and i dont know why... but luckily we are still somewhat close
yangxi-sometimes she just doesnt seem interested;doesnt give a dang hoot... but she's nice sometimes i guess
lo yee-she just recovered... she cheered up and i dont wanna dampen her spirits...

see.. any one i can tell my troubles to? no

forget. it. ill tell it to myself..
my lonely self.

2006-04-28T05:27:00.000-07:00

srry.. i accidentally clicked e button.. hehh... erm.. continue from: on the contrary

on the contrary, since all the bad stuffs happened, may must be filled with good stuff cos no more bad stuff can happen... right........? well... hopefully.. no wait.. icantbePESSIMISTIC icantbePESSIMISTIC icantbePESSIMISTIC icantbePESSIMISTIC icantbePESSIMISTIC ... ok.. *takes deeeeep breath* THE MONTH OF MAY WILL BE FILLED WITH GOOT THINGS.... HAPPY THINGS...

haish... now, i really hope that april can leave soon... too many unhappy things has happened in our class... farr too many...

niners.. please cheer up-ems,lo,cass,piing,val,shann,me and all other depressed people...

ahh drattit... tears... ok.. they are just water.. saltwater... simplesimple saltwater.. they shall be gone... no wait.. i cant take it.. this pressure is wayy to much for me... let me just cry my sorrows out.. all at once.. then they'll never ever come back to haunt me..

....................................................... *wahh wahh wahhhh wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

.................................................

....................................

...........................

.................

..........

.....

..

.

there.. im done.. but the tears are still not gone. but its ok.. i feel much much better now.. i shall just wait for them to dry up(:

see that people! im not crying anymore! mabbe u wanna haf a goot cry like me then u'll feel much much better!! wahaahaahaaaaaa!

ok sorry...

i gtg liaoz bye

the month of april

2006-04-28T05:16:00.000-07:00

{SLOW DANCE}
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

Lo yee.. this poem is dedicated to you.. i feel that you should really read it.. AND DONT CRY or sth... im so sorry about all that has happened and please please please stop doing foolish things to yourself-it doesnt just hurt yourself. it hurts all of us too... as your part-time angel, i feel that i really must help you... i cant just watch you fall into that dark abyss.. i cant pretend i dont see anything.. lo yee, please... stop hurting us..(esp cass and regii)... ok? please promise me you'll be fine ok?? please....

drattit... the month of april sucks like hell.. everything unfortunate has happened.. but on the contrary, since all the bad stuff happened,

today just keeps on getting worser and worse...

2006-04-27T21:32:00.000-07:00

ok.. that was posted during recess... now is lunch.. im eating fried bee hoon with nuggets and fishcake secretly in e comp lab.. wahaha... evil me..

today is getting worse... yiping erhm... cried just now... due to family probs(i hope im not trespassing ur privacy) and the, xiao qii was all depressy and want to diesy... WAHHHH~~~~

dont die. dont cry.dont depress... im already all cheered up.. see.. im happy now so you guys should cheer up too... my heart is being torn torn and shredded.. squished... blah blah blah..

anywae.. just now karo told me that majority of the class think that i am irritating...

true... or not true...

.....

i dont give a damn.. this is just the way i am and if you cant accept me., then dont.

i miss my primary school frens.. they are like.. there while im here.... ahh... i wanna cry liaoz..
i miss ying, kel, char, eiffel, and everyone else...

thats it. i cant take this insanity anymore..

leave me be if you think im irritating and what not.

the sequal to the worst day ever

2006-04-27T18:59:00.000-07:00

today was even worse than yesterday..

i wanted to stay cheery but i just couldnt... im so sorry. then lo yee was all better.. just that she was walking quite slowly but i could see she was all better.. yes.. that puts my heart as ease.. as my guilt fades away.. sorry lo yee..

...

then today, during pccg, we were discussing about funfair stuffs.. then ms ang wanted caijing(head of fundraising) to go to the preparation commitee so she asked cheryl to be e head of fundraising and then yuna but then they both in preparation so she asked me! im in sales lahh.. and then its like.. i dont wanna be a fundraiser... i hate fundraising..

.. but what can i do?? defy ms ang...? yeah right.. i already told her i was in sales( i love sales) but she didnt care.. she still put me as head of fundaraising...

at that moment, i wanted to cry... my tears were about to roll out but i held them back.. never in my life had i been so broken and forced to do sth that i hate... something like that bah.. not that im blaming ms ang but i just dont get why she is making me do this.. this FUNDRAISING BUSINESS...

i gtg. bell just rang.

drowning in my guilt...

2006-04-27T05:54:00.000-07:00

ahh shit.. damn me.. im like.. a piece of CRAP living in a world which is not meant to be miine...

lo yee got injured today.. partially becos of me...

if only i hadnt encouraged her and encouraged her to go on forward rolling and bridging and wat not.. none of this would have happened... so it was like.. she got injured during bridge... she slammed down or sth? i dint see any part of it happen..

then, when i saw lo yee crying... weeping in pain and agony.. i could see the pain arched out in her eyes.. cassie was there for her.. regii... well.. regii.. regii is well.. she wasnt gloating or anything.. regii was like.. erm.. i could see the confusion and the pain in her eyes.. her eyes were usually mellow and deep and 'full or colour' but at that particular moment.. all the colour was drained from her eyes. her eyes became crystal and transparent.. i went over to her side and encouraged her to talk to lo yee.. i could see that she still cared for lo yee.. she just dint know the way to approach her..

then, poor cassie started crying with lo yee.. noo... its all my freaking fault.. if only i hadnt pushed lo yee, none of this would have happened.. regii wouldnt have felt so confused... cassie would not have cried... lo yee would not have been wheel-chaired... and what not... its all my fault.. ITS ALL MY FAULT AND YET I CANT DO ANYTHING TO EASE LO YEE OF HURT OR HELP HER...

chongmin you piece of shit-you are so useless

.....

i really dont know what to say but..

lo yee, i'm so sorry.

please understand regii's confusion... she dint dint want to talk to you.. just dint know how.. please... forgive regii.. regii really cares for you. i can tell. she just doesnt know how she should ever approach you again... im so sorry lo yee. im so sorry...

i feel consumed and im suffocating.. drowing.. all in my guilt and remorse.. im so sorry...

todayy during dance lesson...

...

i cant say e ... parts... but just know that donald duck has done sth UNFORGIVABLE.

sorry lo yee and everyone.

drowning in depression

2006-04-25T19:02:00.000-07:00

im blogging in school now.. wyhaha.. i wanna change blogskin again cos this one looks small crammed and messy...

small crammed and messy.. just like my life now...

small in the sense that its cramped up narrow and i cant breathe.. im suffocating and choking on all this depression.. messy cos its all ****ed up... you know, i never say this word until i lose control-and im losing control now..

i gtg

drowning in misery

2006-04-25T03:51:00.000-07:00

rahh.. now our class is yet once again drowning in misery.. and i used to think that the worst was over...

you see.. ems is depressed, regii is depressed, loyee is depressed, cass is depressed.. rahh... is it cos of XYZ?? hmm..? is it? i dont know.. i have absolutely no idea whats going on... but if it is about xyz, i have some thing to tell all of you.

DONT CARE ABOUT HER DUDETTES! SHE'S SO NOT WORTH IT! SHE ISNT WORTH YOUR FREAKING TIME!

well.. but if im mistaken and its NOT about xyz, then good.. lets keep it that way.(:

well... please cheer up kayys dudettes? im like, doing my best fluttering between each of you trying to cheer yall up.. i know u must b thinking wah this chongmin complain so much.. i dint even ask her to come and cheer me up... well im not complaining;just hoping that you will cheer up and smile...

i really hope that 109 will go back to being the cheery;crazy;lively class it used to be.. really... it really saddens me and like.. many other people who are ever so concerned about all of you so please.. please cheer up...

ohmygawd.. gosh gosh.. i dont know why i suddenly feel like crying... ahh.. imuststopcrying.. i muststopcrying or the class will not cheer up.... i cant let the number of depressed people increase or our class is doomed.. stopcrying stopcrying stopcrying..

chongmin.you are the world's greatest fool.. you cant even help your class and you are making things worse by crying..

ahh i am so sorry niners.. i will stop crying and continue to cheer yall up and blah blah blah and what not.

have faith in me-i will be able to cheer you all up. trust me. i will. no... i must
shutup.andgetonwiththework.

ahh.. thurs got dance! yayyeness..(:

well.. at least i said sth cheery(: well.. i just have to keep that up and niners will be back to normal in no time! YES!
.....
or... no.stop thinking negative thoughts you fool! STOP IT! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!
ok..chill dudette CHILL...

hahaaa.. seems like i cant control the feelings withing me... i must try. i shall perservere!

you can cheer up the niners chongmin-you can do it!

wyhahaha... STRESSED

2006-04-23T02:40:00.000-07:00

heyyoos! ahh! im stressed.. i got so much hmwk!!! ><; and tmr got geog test, tues got HCL...

heh

gtg.. sorry so short

TAG PPL TAG

GUZHENGorientation

2006-04-21T23:35:00.000-07:00

wyhahaha... i feel so... HYPER... know why? cos today was e guzheng sec one orientation!!!

wee! lets start... hmm.. first, our sweet pres-marilyn gave this.. like.. 10 min speech where everyone was giggling through and through and tingyi went crazy !! haha... and we started by playing icebreaker... =D

our icebreaker was double wacko... i know.. wacko is boring cos its e typical icebreaker game and i was partnering qi yan(sec 3er) and then i got whacked and then i whacked someone and ended up partnering elizabeth(aka liza-ex brownie senior) and then after that, we were split up into groups and played 'step e balloon'!! yesh.. we had to go ard in pairs, with balloons tied to our leggies and then me and zp(zhen ping) went ard CRUSHING every balloon we see but l8r, hers got BURST and i dint wanna play cos i scared.. heh.. and gave my balloon to liza... in e end, ruth, liyue, some other 2 ppl who i 4got liaoz lahh.. won...(sorry!!) and later, we played dog and bone where liza was chao extreme! she was like snatching for e 'bone' aka e waterbottle and then it was like, she fell down loadsa times.. and e only reason why she was so gd is cos we always play this game during brownies.. heh.. then later, some ppl wanted to play water games(inclu me) so abt 16 ppl went down and we played water games, where in e middle, we all lost control, and started taking a waterbottle and splashing water at each other... pamelia!! u evil pok! splash so much water on me...! and i gave up trying to dodge so pam(evil evil pam) poured loadsa water on my head... AAHHH!!! i was like soaking wet and so was everyone else.. it was so crazy..!

i feel that e whole gz has bonded so much and i've got to know them much btr! i think i can memorise alllllll their names le! yayyeness!^^

ahh.. today was a happy day... wee~ kk, i gtg for ballet so.. BYE!!

<33333333333>

MATHStest

2006-04-20T07:12:00.000-07:00

ah... today.. we had lang arts compo timed trial
choose from:--write about avisit to a medical center/hospital/clinic
--write a story with pride as its central focus

i chose e first one.. word limit is 400 but EXTREME word limit is 500... at first i've got a 675.. freaky isnt it.. haha... then huilin and me shortennnnnn.......... until 589 was left.. could have shortened more but time was up.. heh...

today... was quite depressing..
i got back my maths test and stats journal

....

journal was pleasing.. i got a 5/5 =))

......

..........

............

the test was depressing...

i got a horrible substandard 39/50... how 'good' was that.. i wanted to burst out in tears but i held them back.. all of them were careless mistakes.. they shldnt have been made... i clench the paper tightly in my heart... i shant wallow in deep depression.. but instead.. aim harder for then next test.. although this test topics were my weakest, it was not an excuse.

well.. i gtg.. sleep.. zzz

ciao~

icantthinkofaTITLEX)

2006-04-18T07:05:00.000-07:00

heyyos!! today.. hmm... oh yah.. lets start from yesterday=).

ok, yesterday, we had 3 COMMON TESTS! YES 3!!! how mean of e school... RAHH.. ok.. nvm. its ok. shall stop crapping.. first period was HISTORY yepp.. so most likely, yall can guess rite?? all of u so smart... haha.. yah lahh.. for blurblur-toottoot-gonggong-daidai ppl, first test was history... essay writing.. and since we nvr had any prac b4 and stuff(altho lang arts one was quite similar to history but its slightly different) so it was like.. most(or mabbe all?) of us were MOURNING after e paper... *wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* i must do well... must keep up a consistant good grade thingieXD...

... ok srry abt tt.. mabbe i haf expectations that are too high for my self.. heh.

ok.. next up(after recess) was maths.. it was supposed to be hard.. but strangely.. really strangely, we all(including someone so sucky in maths like me) found it quite easy... o.O heh.. and then, at nite, i called leffie and she said her whole class found it hard.. that leaves me pondering.. does our class have mental problem?? (heh.. no offence><;)

lastly was sci practical.. was abt pendulum.. quite easy.. i was so careful!! hahhaaa.. XD

anyway, i gtg.. wanna change blogskin liaoz.. i found a nice oneXD

bye!

thatLIVINGHELL

2006-04-13T05:39:00.000-07:00

you know sth... today was a living hell.. dance lesson in school is a living hell.. im listening to simple plan's welcome to my life and shut up and perfect world and also avril lavigne's nobody's home yepp. thats exactly how i feel now.confused.lost.lonely.sad... im crying as i write this post now.. T_T life has realli turned into a living hell.. a living NIGHTMARE..

today.. dance class.. no one would listen to me.. i screamed and shouted... by i was all alone in that dark lonely abyss, with no one but myself..

then when i was on the way home, i heard so many cheery happy songs.. then i told myself-why let that dance lesson affect you?? why let HER affect you?? its not even worth it...

futhermore, i've got so many near and dear frens like lo,char,leffie,yiing,cass,yangxi.. and loads loads more.. why should i let HER spoil my mood and let my mood affect everyone else?? its just not worth it..

thanks so much all of you.. for tagging... trying so hard to cheer me up.. but i dont know why.. as i post this.. tears are rolling down my cheek... so uncontrollably.. i really want to cry to all of you.. im so sorry to cause so much worry to all of you.. thanks so much for being so caring.. so concerned.. turning my living hell into a 7th heaven.. thanks so much... ahh.. i wish to stop crying but i cant.. well.. shall wait for the tears to dry up on their own... T_T ^^;;

well.. i think i shall stop here...

ciao~

todayisaHAPPYday..isit?

2006-04-12T00:44:00.000-07:00

hello! today.. hmm.. is it supposed to be happy.. kk.. i shall tell yall wat happened today k?=)
happy things
1.xiao qii smiled a real smile today.. hmm.. thats great.. yeahh.. its like.. i havent seen xiao qii smile like that in ages.. go xiao qii! wee~^^ [kayy... im going like.. hypered] haha
2.hmm.. i guess you could say that the air of depression is slowly.. really really slowly but its already an improvement right?? haha.. jia you niners!
depressing things
1.hmm.. xiao qii broke off wif regii today.. altho its sad, im not on anyones side but xiao qii dont be grief or sth over this matter k? its painful but everyone else ard u like cassie and me and peishan.. we all care for you and we are here to support you.. ok? so promise all of us you'll stand strong=)
2.ermm.. some things happened today which i think wld be better if i did not say it ok.. sorry.. but this is a matter of privacy so.. yeah... i dont think that person wants everyone to know abt this.. sorry

erm.. i just realised that i am not the only one who hates YOU. yes. YOU know who you are.. ok. mabbe u dont but so what?? its enough. wake up from your dream;stop acting cute;stop daoing people;stop thinking YOU are so great and all;stop blaming people when its not ENTIRELY their fault. JUST STOP BEING EVER SO LAME DUDETTE.. i totally cant stand you mann.. its like.. you are so bossy and since you think you're so good, why not take over HER job as ** rep?? uggh.. and get this straight. im e dance rep. not you so.. if you ever thought of bossing me around(esp during dance lesson), think again. dance is my ELEMENT.

so.. erm.. niners; please cheer up kayys? takkaire <3>

ahh..imsoDEPRESSED

2006-04-11T03:40:00.000-07:00

ahh.. today is a depressing day.. yayye.. xiao qii patched up with regii.. thats GREAT right?? haha.. im hypered.. XD .... ahh.. im still depressed.. no matter how hypered i try to be..=((((((((((

why am i so depressed?? thats cos, i only got 1 6/10 for a maths quiz.. my maths has always been "quite good" since i entered secondary school and frankly, i've fallen in LOVE with maths too! yeahh.. probably its all thanks to ms yeo.. she inspired me to do better.. and my tuition teacher too! my tuition teacher(aka my multi-talented cousin^^) rawks! but i relli like to thank ms yeo.. thanks ms yeo.. thanks a million=) wee~ one moment i hate maths and the other, i just totally lurve it... haha.. weirdo me..=|

what made me REALLY depressed is the fact that:

1.the one.oh.niners are so.. disunited..=(((((

2.xiao qii, regii, emily, cassie, caijing, etc etc are all DEPRESSED making me
all depressed too..

haha.. yeahh.. cos its like.. this whole depressed atmosphere.. really disturbing sia.. so its like.. im being affected too...?

come on people! please stop being all depressed.. we are already so disunited and do you really all want 109 to remain like this?! im sure you dont want.. this is like you 2nd(or mabbe 3rd) home lahh.. u spend like... so many hrs here in a week and we'll be together for like.. another 1+years... so please niners, get that FUNKY SPIRIT out!! i know that well.. some of you are having friendship problems right now but everyone here cares for you all..(you know who im talking about rite?) i hate to see everyone like this so please.. just cheer up kk? SMILE DUDETTES! YALL LOOK NICER WHEN YALL SMILE!!! XD

kayys.. i think i gtg lerr.. ciao~

soDISAPPOINTEDinMYSELF

2006-04-09T21:43:00.000-07:00

im so disappointed.. today, its our(me, xiao qii, regii, karo, xinyi and naijing) group's turn to present the chi tchr thing and 1 word FAILURE

we worked so damn freegin hard on it(esp lo) and then, it was all ruined by us.. i put in some effort too but compared to lo, its NOTHING. sorry lo.. relli sorry...

i relli dont want to talk about it now. i feel like breaking down.crying.banging my head on the wall repeatedly until i lose conciousness and only wake up until this episode is over.guess what. we failed so badly, yet overall, we got a 4. i have no idea is it for our hard work, our boriness or just out of SYMPATHY. to me, its out of sympathy. you know why?? we failed horribly.. one of our grp members told e answer to another grp to help them.. shant specify who.. but i just want that person to know, im not e only one who saw what happened. other ppl from other grps also saw. yes. they also saw.9 people voted a 4 for us, several(less than 9) voted a 3, and 4 voted a 2.. we worked so hard on it.. lo.. im really sorry.. if any of it was my fault, im really sorry.. i didnt want things to turn out this way.. i relli dint... i thot it wld all be fine but its not.

people are just so superficial. i cant be bothered anymore.. i really cant take it so stop thrashing my heart, shattering my hopes and pushing me back into that dark abyss of loneliness. it wasnt easy for me to stnad up on my feet again(i owe tt to xiao qii aka lo).

p.s. lo;xiaoqii;dont feel depressed. its all over okayy?? smile:)even tho i haf no idea how i myself can do that... im telling you to bcos ur smile has the power to make everyone including me smile. CHEERS

call me a bootlicker if you want. i dont give a damn anymore. i cant b bothered wif wat u wall think.

a new bag! wee~

2006-04-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

sorry. that was ABRUPT. i gotta volcom bag..! its WHITE! so happae.. lalaalaaaah~.. kays. i gtg slp. sorry this is abrupt too><; its LATE and i needa SLEEP

new bag!

2006-04-09T06:54:00.000-07:00

hi! i gotta new bag today! its VOLCOM and its WHITE.. hhaaa~ egoego! lol~ im going crazy. i gtg ciao~

2006-04-07T07:07:00.000-07:00

thingsarefinallySHAPINGUP^^

heyyos! today, im so happy.. allow me to tell you why. firstly, my life is getting better day by day so i guess it relli helps to be optimistic^^ secondly, i got what i somewhat wanted for sabbaticals..

we had to choose our sabs todae so once the bell rang, everyone. yepp. EVERYONE chongggggg~ to the comp lab and standby to FIGHTTT~ so.. im like damn dao mei lah! my comp broke down(i was in comp lab 1) so i chiong to comp lab 3 and the comps there are CHAO slow?! hahaa so by the time i got in, food chems(which i wanted) was all gone=(( sobsob.. lol.. so i chose food adventure(which by the way is compulsory for all hmpians=(darn. i wanted inline sk8ing! haha) and maths and music(where we had to pay $25 cos we r going to make our own instru or sth).. the only ones in m&m is me n xinyi.. lonely ol us... loads of niners either went to journey thru e geo world or renewable energy but more for e geo world thingie..

*takes a nice long deep breath* okay.. i just said tt in one breath.. lol.. ok. e last thing which makes me happy is.. I GOTTA NEW MYUK WALLET!! YAYYE! and it was $23 and my mom was so sweet to buy for me*thanks mom!!* and its black and says'the owner of this wallet has a bottomless pit of needs and wants and has never been in a situation where having money made it worst! Fill Me Up:) yeahh.. its e same as angel ziyan*aka yann* derrhh..XD

ok i gtg liaoz. tmr is a busy busy dae for me! XD ciao~

2006-04-06T03:36:00.000-07:00

TRUEfriendswhomicantrust...

heyyos! i just came back from gz prac and im BUSHED and i still got loadds of uncompleted hmwk! ARGGH!! but today, i found some people whom i can trust..

#1 is...(not in any particular order...) XiaoQii-wee~ u r so nice!! and so nice to chat wif ^^

#2 is... yangxi-i can chat with you at ease most of e time bahh

#3 is peishan-you are so sweet and nice to me!

#4 is Marie and Belinda-you are so nice lorh! so cute also ^^;

#5 is Ruth-thanks for being so nice.. i luv to chat wif you..

#6 is Regina-thanks for cheering me up and cracking jokes when im down

its like.. all these people were there for me when i needed them most... of course there are more but im rushing for time coz i've got tons and tons of hmwk so i gtg soon.. so now, and here, i would like to say a BIG THANKYOU to everyone who was there for me!! THANKKEW!

i gtg now so ciao~

2006-04-05T01:18:00.000-07:00

sowhatifiamCRAZY?!isityourPROBLEM??idontthinkso...

stop criticising me and leave my life alone. you know im talking about you.. ok mabbe u dont but i am so SHUT UP & GET OUT OF MY LIFE! so what if i keep changing blogskin? this one suits me and so does everyone i had. anywae, its none of ur beeswax.. GET THE POINT??

haha.. i sound evil.. actually. i am PISSED.. shant vent my anger on my dear bloggie.. sorry if im too.. erhmm.. u noe ler lah. shant elaborate.

ciao~

2006-04-04T18:50:00.000-07:00

iFEELsoWEIRD

i suddenly feel so happy.. so weird.. its like.. i just realised that the whole class cares for me more than i thought they would... but im still not sure.. it might be another illusion.. after this whole freaky episode, i've learnt not to trust others so easily... but i was so touched when yiping asked me to sit next to her during e movie so i wont b scared.. (thanks ping)^^.. then l8r, cheryn asked me why i was sad.. haish.. the worst has gone.. i have so many people caring for me all this while and i never noticed that.. WHAT KIND OF IDIOT AM I>!

haha.. probably those kind which should learn to cherish wat she has... owells.. later going to watch watoto concert so i btr go eat sth first! anyway, i've learnt how to smile todayXD

the gal with the cheesy smile has made a comeback! i will live strong-make those who like me to continue liking me while those who hate me to like me~! altho i still may type lk how i did for the previous posts, don worry. im fine.=) i just have a unique way of venting my anger and thats by RANTING... XD

cheerios! i gotta go now so ciao~

p.s. lo.. don feel so bad kayys? smileXDXDXDXD~

2006-04-04T02:08:00.000-07:00

myblogskinishowiFEELRIGHTNOW

im so sad and confused yet happy...

sad:yall know why rites??

disappointed:yall know why too..

happy:i found a blogskin which totally describes how im feeling now

yesh. i am. i am a lonely dancer.. no one cares for me.. i really want to break down and cry.. but i already promised to work hard, stand strong and face each passing day bravely.. but theres this BIG problem. HOW? as every second ticks by, my heart aches really really badly.. haish... and everytime all of you stare at me and/or glare at my madness... that piercing look you give me.. it burns my soul.. it burns my heart so badly but why dont i feel any pain?? oh yeahh. im too used to this le.. yall haf been treating me like this since i stepped in to nygh. im totally numb and immune to it already. yesh i am but for some reason.. i feel a tingling.. unpleasant.. BURNING sensation... why is this so?? i thought that all of you hate me.. i thought you LOVE to stare me down.. why?? why do i feel such immense pain when i cry and blog abt these things...?

probably because i feel the hurt of my loved ones? i have no idea but nowadays, life is so tough for me. i have no idea on how to carry on.. no idea at all... i feel so relieved once i vent it on my bloggie.. <33 euu loads blog.. its as though im talking to an invisible person.. relli takes the load off..

2006-04-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

nowiTOTALLYunderstand-youallHATEme

im really sad and disappointed today. there was sth that happened that made me woke up from the once beautiful dream i had..

no one spoke up for me. no one righted the wrong.. im so sad. i just want to break down and CRY .. how cld you all do this?! i dont know why.. but i've really got this give-up-on-changing-your-mindsets-feeling right now.. its like no one even wants to speak up for me..

but somehow, thinking abt how many people i will disappoint once i do that, i really cant bear the thought.. some one please advice me on what i shld do.. im really lost in this big abyss.. all alone...i am really lost.. i want to break down and cry.. my heart is shattered into many many million of tiny bite size pieces.. stop laughing. i know you are right now. im serious. its not a joke. this is really how i feel right now.. no matter how many stitches i sew onto my heart, all of you are just going to tear it apart again.

i dont mind the pain at all.. since i've become totally NUMB to it.. really.. just give me this chance.. let me break free from the cocoon that holds me back.. let me fly away.. let me go.. please.. just take it that i am begging you.. give me this chancehelp me please.. im trying to prove to al of you that the crazy and cheery girl will come back.

give me a chance.. im so sorry im still so pessimistic.. i just cant help it.. sorry..

2006-04-03T04:56:00.000-07:00
lifestartsANEWforme
hmm.. i've relli decided to be the best i can be. altho i noe i have my unchangable flaws such as my obstinativeness, my crazy;overenthusiasm, etc... but im relli trying my best to achieve my goal-yes. my goal to build a stronger bond with all the niners=D

lallaaalaaa~ hmm.. im not a bad girl or anything.. nvr commited any illegal thing or sth.. all i did was maybe told a few lies.. but no one has nvr lied b4 right? and usually i lie white lies.. i dont want my family to worry about me becos i care for them. i dont want my friends to suspect anything wrong and thus i lie. again, i dont want them to worry. (sorry if i caused any><;)

this post, i wld like to thank and apologise to some ppl.

THANKyous

charissa-for being there always. never leaving me

kelly-for being ever so supportive

ying yu-for talking to me and listening and lightening my heart

eiffel-for listening to my rants

yangxi-for being so tolerent of my dependent ways(promise to change that)

regina-for you never-ending support

huilin-for making me feel happier by joking

ruth-lending me THAT listening ear i needed

yiping-for supporting me

my angels(esp lightstick and ruimin)-for listening to my rants

and everyone else who was there for me when i needed yall. THANKS A MILLION(sorry if i left out ur names!)

SORRIES

yangxi-sorry for being so irritating

huilin-for being a bit mood-swingie at times

peishan-for being such a jerk.

loyee-for being irritating sometimes

emily-for being irritating sometimes

AND ALL NINERS-SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A LOSER,ETC. I PROMISE TO CHANGE KAYYS? GIVE ME THIS CHANCE-I WILL PROVE IT TO YOU.

2006-04-03T00:52:00.000-07:00
troubleswillfadeandiwillmakemylifeBETTER
i've just realised sth. no matter how much i rant, scream and complain, no one cares because everyone knows that IN ORDER TO CONVINCE EVERYONE, I MUST PUT EFFORT INTO IT. LOADS OF EFFORT. so today. i. chong. min. declare that i will work much harder to make all of 109 like me more and to overcome YOUR hatred for me. no way i am going to let everyone laugh at me saying im such a failure!

i will work my hardest and please try to tolerate me some more. please give me some time. i will promise that the chong min you have seen TODAY will disappear from my life permanently and never resurface. the old chong min. the cheerful, lively, enthu and crazy little girl will return in a while. seriously.

im realli sorry for everything i've done to everyone esp Yangxi, Peishan, Ying Xiang, Marie, Belinda, Regina and everyone else whom i have disappointed or have been hated my you before. the chong min you see today will disappear. there will no longer be anymore struggles within me. i will stand strong and overcome any troubles that come my way.

the one i REALLY want to apologise to is Charissa and Kelly. the 2 of you were there to hear my rants and complaints and you tried your best to comfort me and stuff but i pushed you away and said no. im really sorry.. i wasnt thinking right but now, i really promise to make sure that there will no longer be any hatred between us-niners.

haha! yall must be thinking tat im CRAZY! so many moods.. haha.. i've been mood-swinging lately.. hmm.. shall try my best to overcome my bad points such as -egoism.-proudness.-overenthusiasm, etc. please tell me when i've done it okayys? i will be waiting patiently for someone to tell me'chong min. you've done it'

meanwhile, to qii.. cheer up! life will get btr so dont get bowled over by all these challenges. SMILE and face each day bravely and strongly. chong min will support you and so will everyone. =)

2006-04-03T00:22:00.000-07:00
sowhatifmyPERESULTSsucktoseventhheaven?!isitYOURBUSINESS?!
i really SERIOUSLY DONT GET IT... so what if i got the ~~LOWEST~~ in class for the pe results thingie?! if you go ask all my ex classmates, they will all tell you that my pe has always been lousy and i've never gotten a single GOLD for my napfa okay?! im not an athlete. i nvr intended to be a sportsperson or anything.. i only want to live my own life and get this 2006 to pass by smoothly

GET ONE THING STRAIGHT-I AM A DANCER AND A MUSICIAN. NOT AN ATHLETE OR A PUPPET WHICH ALL OF YOU CAN TAKE TURNS TO THROW AROUND AND LEAVE IT IN A CORNER WHEN YOU ARE SICK OF IT.

why must all of you talk about my results? so what if im the lowest? in every competition, theres always a first and last place. please stop talking about my results. don ever insult me.. im alreadi having it tough enough.

anywae, thanks a million ro reggie(aka regina) for comforting me. thank you so much regina.

now im even more convinced that all of you hate me

im feeling out of place... no one understands me.. no one can hear me scream.. im in a deep and dark abyss.. hurt and lost.. in the dark.. you had to go kick me away. no one can understand how im feeling now.. hurt.lost.confused.stupid.down.pushed-around. NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND THE TORMENT IM GOING THROUGH NOW. BECAUSE NO ONE HAD BEEN BACKSTABBED BY SO MANY PEOPLE BEFORE.

2006-04-02T18:57:00.000-07:00
GETOUTofmylife!goGETyourOWN!
guess wat. im in school now and i just finished dance lessons. haish.. im in a terrible mood now.. i relli feel lk crying.. but who can i go to? your frens will support you and tt will only make the class hate me more! i cant find anyone to confide in... my old frens are no longer in this school with me and futhermore, not in my class! they donno wats happening so i cant tell them anything!

during dance lesson, we were trying to perfect our grp's dance and we had alreadi figured out the beats the steps etc etc... but when both the groups performed together for the teacher to see, you had to go confuse us! i donno why too! and now i don even noe who is right and who is wrong.. i cant tell black from white now! just now, it was as though half of our grp members were doing sth and ur half was doing sth else! i haf practically no idea why you dislike me so much but im trying to make frens with the whole class including YOU and you are spoiling it and making life so hard for me! why?! wat e heck did i do to offend you until every little thing i do, you must YELL and BLAME me for it?!

my life is so miserable.. i donno why but ive got this sinking feeling that e whole class HATES me... i wanna cry out my troubles but i donno who i can go to... im relli sad and i dont noe why you keep opposing me! you go on living your life and i'll live mine! don ever cross over the border! ive never done that and i dont noe why you are doing this to me! you must be happy now! EVERYONE HATES ME TO THE CORE! i relli want to return to 6d... i want to have someone to cry to... T_TT_TT_T

*tears are flooding my troubled life.. i have no where to go... you chased me out of a place i thought i could call home.. looks like i was wrong.. all of it was an illusion and nothing was true.. all of it was just a pack of lies to make me feel like how im feeling now... nobody wants me.. nobody... not now.. not ever...

2006-04-02T00:10:00.000-08:00

2006-04-01T23:53:00.000-08:00
welcometoMYlife
heyyos! YAYYE! i just found out from ruthie(akaRUTH) that our GEOG-SIA de deadline aint tmr but is next wk!! YESH!!!!

haish... l8r weall going to watch CSS(akacampusSUPERstar).. i don relli feel lyk going but i want the chiSIA points... haha.. evil pok ol me... XD oh wells... can blame me mehh...? i don relli lyk to watch this kind of shows.. actually, it all depends on my mood tt day and todae.. im in a slack-ish&lazy&sleepy mood so.. yeahh... haish...

oh yeahh.. i recently got a webcam and a mike thingie.. and i just had a conversation wif Ying Yu yesterdae.. yayye.. soHAPPY^^ that totally erased my mind of wat happened yesterdae... after toking to her, its lk all my problems just got erased... i relli miss her..TT altho shes cuming back soon... heeex ^^;

i shall stop rambling here.. im taking personality quizzes!^^

myLIFEisPERFECTwithYOU..~~NOlongerDARNED=)~~

2006-04-01T05:06:00.000-08:00
balletEXAMresults
heyyos! i got my ballet exam results today.. guess wat.. i got COMMENDED... am i satisfied?? hmm.. in a sense.. yeahh i guess coz only 2 out of 6 got commended.. e rest is pass plus.. ^^; haish.. well. i was aiming for HIGHLY COMMENDED lol.. thickskinned me.. ><; so EGO!

ok.. im CHAO pissed lorh... you noe weall hafta do this 'costume research' thing for international friendship day? yesh. i decided on KOREAN upon noeing abt it and went home to research and got this BIG pile of korean trad costume info then, i just found out today that only 2 ppl in each class can do any one kind of trad costume and 2 ppl took korean liaoz... SHIT lah! ><+++++++ then, i decided on spanish as my '2nd choice'(acc to dd) then i went home to research and then, dd said tt some 2 ppl had alreadi taken spanish!!! WAH LAO!!!! its like.. i wanted to cry out loud lorh... i relli do.. its like why must they do this to me?! i wanted em s equal choice... wahhhh... TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT TT i relli wanna cry.. then todae, dd then tell us the 2 ppl thing... wah lao and she give herself first priority...!!!! X+++++++++++++++++ i wanna.. #!*&)(!^%*&!#*(%&#*%&)!(#*&%) sorry abt tt... im reli sad n frustrated.. im searching for french de but no luck...

looks like... i hafta THROW ALL THAT HARD WORK I DID ALL AWAY... ALL INTO THE BIN... T_T.. sobz.... wahhh~
~~SOMEONE SAVE MY DARNED TROUBLED LIFE!!!!~~

2006-03-29T03:36:00.000-08:00
heyyos! i haven posted for while huh.. XD anywae, poor huilin.. coz she wanted to join basketball rites? then mrs ho force her to join strings.. so now she has unwillingly quitted basketball for strings and she is veh sad.. i wanna help her but how.. she seems alright but when we tok abt bb, she looks lk shes abt to cry))= poor thing.. haish.. cheer up kayys huilin??=)
anywae, we r all so darn stressed out lk crapp lahh! haish.. maths sia due fri.. altho i did quite a lot le only needa type and geog sia due on mon but then i haven even started.. i doubt my partner ruth also.. haish...
kayys.. shall cut short coz i needa sleep.. im tired... zzz

2006-03-25T05:07:00.000-08:00
heyys!! todae i went out wif my ballet buddies! we took neos twice, ate... blah blah... played drums twice and daytona twice! both i came in 1st for daytona... weee~ it was so fun... weee~ ahh.. i wanna slp... gotta go swim( and kena tan ) again tmr... haish...
zzz
gnite

2006-03-24T03:37:00.000-08:00
heyys! i haven blogged.. i <333 my new blogskin!! its chao nice.. ^^ to me... anywae, i got my report card.. results not exactly how i wanted it to go but im satisfied.. =) im in a bad mood todae.. donno why.. don wanna crap on it.. haish.. okayys.. shall not affect yall mood.. sorry if i did.. <3 yall! mwah

tag!

2006-03-17T06:40:00.000-08:00
heyys! haven blogged in ages... lazy to... =( ahh... bad old me... lol! X) kayys.. hmp concert was on mon... rahh... relli don feel like blogging... it was... b.o.r.i.n.g kinda... then marie was so pretty! natalie fr 209 also!!! whee~ kayys... erm... the female violinst lidia biach(did i spell wrongly?? hekkaire! XP im BAD) was chao good lahh! she was one of e pro-est ive evr seen!!
kayys. shall stop. im tired.. wan 2 slp...
zzz

2006-03-10T05:39:00.000-08:00
campcampcamp! weee~okaes... shall go thru d8 by d8 kaes??? =))
8 Mar
weee~ todae we hiked and hiked and hiked( or trekked) damn long... freak tired lahh! we went to the hsbc treetop walk with the hci ppl.... haiiiz... so sleepy... my tui zai fa ruan lorh... haiz... then tmr got talentime!!! ahhh~ so nervous!! jia youz niners! wo men bi sheng! we worked so hard!!!!
9 Mar
Heyy! Todae is Zhen ping birthdayy!! yayye whoots! okaes. todae had gotta be e best of all 3 daes. we went to mt faber and played games with the seal sports people... we got 2 guys and 1 was called mojo so some gals called him mojo jojo!! hahh~ then our first activity was the water activities where we went to the pool! the first was to swim/fly/walk/run/etc fr one end of the pool to the other and then use the water u collected with your hair and squeeeeeeeze it into the pail wifout using ur hand to touch e pail!! cool!! then we went to play amazing race where we almost won first! ahh~ then it was teamwork time! we played alpha sequence and mine sweeper!! it was damn fun!!! lastly was e trek up mt faber and when u c everything from e mountain top.. u get this undescribable feeling!! ahhh~ i felt all happie!! then we were sad to say byebye and our facilitator cried... then our talentime was a HUGE success! we got 2nd(me: we shld get first... we were like... so hardworking!!! ><) and 106 got 1st and 112 got 3rd... fellow niners.. u rock! then our facilitators saw us perform and we were sad when they had to leave again... we did e chicken dance! and our facilitator lived up to his promise! he did the chicken dance! yeshh~!!
10 MAR
it was fun.. shall stop here coz i got nth to sae le... =))
<3

2006-03-06T05:05:00.000-08:00
yoh! todae gang gang received camp tee... its like... bluish greenish...? yuckkk... colour wise not nice. colour coordination wise... nice! design wise.. CUTEE!!! hahhh~ anywaes, the 209ers aint satisfied wif their tee... its red... lolll... yeahh... todae was quite fun...
so nervous for talentime! s i mentioned to sum ex classies, i m city ppl! yeahh! and we r doing a musical... but i cant elabor8 now coz im nt allowed to...=( i ll elabor8 n post aft camp... =D
haiiz... all busy wif camp preparation... ahhh~ lightstick!!! i wann my letter!!! janabel...ruimin...laiweng... ziyan(who juz gave me todae)... wann letter...

kayys.. shall stop boring u ppl...
wannting her letterrs

2006-03-05T03:52:00.000-08:00
heyys... now adaes, im in love wif pink... blue... yellow and duh-uh BLACK!!! hahh~ anywaes, first gz lesson was nice=)) and lightstick passed me letter todaes!!! yayye! love her loads!! <33>
kaes. shall stop crapping..
cya!
oh! and tag! =)

2006-02-28T03:16:00.000-08:00
heyys... first post... cool.. newae, i got into... * drumroll* GUZHENG!!! wheets! anywae, official cca starts on thurs... cant wait... hurrrr~

okae.. gtg liaoz... buh bye!